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  • sydelle

before bostyn

It’s been a rocky road.... have always hated that ice cream.

like the song says, “First comes love then comes marriage then a baby in baby carriage, right that’s how the song goes?” Not for everyone- there are Surprise babies, first try babies, & tried for 3 years babies, male factor infertility, low ovarian reserve, unexplained infertility, recurrent loss, blood clotting disorders, PCOS, hormonal imbalances, and on and on. Getting pregnant gets more scientific for those who don’t fall within the first 2 on that list, gone are the days of just “have fun trying” advice from your 70 year old grandma. For me, there was such a candid rebellion in “trying,” no more stressful “please don’t be “positive” chant in front of a $.99 test or the, crap I forgot my birth control this weekend panic. Preconception appointment with a midwife...? Who does that, well an overly prepared type A control freak. always having the lovely monthly agony of periods, not thinking anything of it OK we are good to go. Let the baby making commence! Christmas came and that fat man didn’t deliver. I always had mid cycle bleeding- lucky me never knowing when the surprise would strike. This was “normal” for me for years prior, a message to the midwife just see if I could do anything to make that go away-handy that mychart. Apparently mid cycle bleeding is not a normal thing-should have bought stock in Victoria secret while I was at it. Suggestion of ovulation predictor kits(OPK)-peed into a cup every day for 6 weeks, dipped this weirdly made strip that apparently tells me when that fancy little egg of mine drops and cells can mash. Except you’re supposed to get a “positive” test at some point. Not me- 6 weeks no positive, one period and 3 spotting episodes next....the rocky road. Blood work. “one of your levels is high, this is probably why you’re not ovulating.....” not ovulating this stung. So all of this “fun” trying- while fun, mashing those cells weren’t going to happen well because one was missing. Mine was missing, no egg drop. This is where the fun turned into a scientific short series of how the hell do we just get pregnant. Endocrinology appt and the diagnosis of a pituitary gland disorder causing hyperprolactinemia- likely from a mass on my gland- my nurse brain declined the MRI and opted for the meds to fix this, that’s all they would do if I had a tumor anyway. Fix this level with medication, ovulation happens, wa bam-baby. Worrying about a potential growth somewhere in my brain was not even in the forefront. Being told that at that moment I couldn’t get pregnant all I wanted to do was get pregnant..... like a 3 year old kicking and screaming for a ridiculous plastic toy bear with googly eyes in the check out line, just won’t even, can’t even think about anything than that stupid piece of plastic. I just wanted to get pregnant- one month into the medication-blazing headaches, vertigo you wouldn’t believe and nausea out of the blue-2 normally spaced periods, no mid cycle bleeding and a POSITIVE ovulation test. That very next month we were pregnant! The cells, both cells, were there and the scientific mash happened! Our road was “short” in the trying to conceive world- but it was rocky. But then.... a miscarriage.

How was trying to conceive for you? Do you have any infertility or trouble? What did you feel while defeat after defeat happened?

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